010 - Alien (1979)

Well I've now watched the first 10 films, I must admit that generally, I've been quite disappointed. Let's see how Alien faired against my ridiculous ideals...

Considering it was made in 1979, the realism in the Alien creature is quite astonishing. On top of this, the writers have devised an ingenious way to make  the story have a great deal of validity and raise many issues.

Sigourney Weaver plays the lead role as Ripley, third in command on a freight [space]ship struggling to gain the respect of the men working under her while her superiors are off the craft. It tackles the issue of humanity's reliance on technology - a man who turns out to be a military robot is jeopardising the lives of all aboard because Alien holds such military potential. Lastly, the whole situation arose from what could be a "right to life" debate - should the Alien's host be left to die in quarantine, or do they hope to save him and risk the lives of all aboard (the choice made is obvious because there would otherwise have been no film).

The creature of the alien itself is very well thought out. The first sighting of it is as a parasite attached to a crew member's face. This parasite is in fact not killing him, but supplying him with oxygen whilst also laying an egg in his throat. This parasite cannot be removed because all of the Aliens' blood is "concentrated molecular acid". The parasite eventually falls off and dies and the new host is left feeling normal.
This instills a clever "calm-before-the-storm" feeling within the film right before the metaphorical defecation collides with the metaphorical air circulation.
Anyhow, the chest of this now content man explodes and frees an alien that grows within minutes from a rat to an eight-foot monster by living on nothing but spacedust aboard the ship... The biggest downfall of this story.

The ending of the film isn't particularly clever either. An extra 2-3 minutes are added on purely to show the tiny pants / tight white shirt / errect nipples combo. Sigourney Weaver pulls it off quite well, but it's still relatively pointless.

Overall, not a bad film.

Alien on IMDB

My Rating


Up nextAliens

009 - Alexander Nevsky (1938)

Alexander Nevsky is probably one of the most entertaining and worst films I have ever had the misfortune to watch. If you really are dead set on watching it, watch it in a large group and feel free to leave the room to make tea / pour beer / do gardening / go on holiday. The chance of you missing any action, talking or motion in your time absent is very slim.

Set in 1252, the film was made in 1938 and is clearly a Russian message of "Fuck off Germany, we beat you 700 years ago and we'll do it again". Clearly, the Germans were less entertained that I was, left the room, invaded Poland and missed the ending of the film.

The film's ability to shock awe and disappoint are fairly equally matched. There are scenes of throwing babies - real, living babies - off cliffs towards bonfires (I hope someone was ready to catch it... But hey, "In soviet Russia.." etc.). There are battle scenes that could rival The Lord of The Rings for both repetitiveness and length of time wasting the viewers' lives. Last (but by no means of least importance) I don't understand spoken Russian and don't understand written King James' English (especially when badly translated from 'Rus').

The primary entertainment of this film comes from the adventurousness of the costume designers, who decided that gilt ravens claws, hands (Hitler salute style) and ice creams would look good as helmets. I believe they also managed an early Darth Vader look for the Teutonic leader. This outlandish headwear is the best way to recognise the characters, who all have long hair, beards and a monochrome complexion. Having said that, I'm not sure the film-makers managed to distinguish so easily as characters frequently died, and came back to life ("Ice-Cream Man" as we called him managed to die three times).

All-in-all, if you REALLY insist on watching this film, make sure you invite 5 or 6 patient friends, have plenty of beer and fair amount of mind-expanding drugs.
It would be irresponsible for me to recommend any of that, but it would probably be the best entertainment you ever had.

My Rating:
(Had I not left for beer)


Up Next:
Alien

008 - Aladdin (1992)

Making an American film in 1992, setting it in the Middle-East, having only Muslim characters is surely a recipe for discrimination and contention. Disney have a reputation of discriminating and must be rewarded for their lack of it in this film (despite several changes to original lyrics and lines). Cleverly, all of the characters have an aspect of immorality in their nature, but many of them make up for it with good cause and outweighing likable traits - possibly being a hint that despite the overwhelming belief within American society, everyone is different.

Although being aimed primarily at children, there is plenty of entertainment to be had by more mature audiences. This comes mainly in the blue smoky form of Robin Williams' Genie and Jafar's sarcastic parrot, Iago.

Being a musical is fairly cleverly hidden withing the storyline. I recently watched "Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street" and was disappointed by the way the story paused in motion for the duration of the song, however Disney manage to tell the story in a little more colour through the use of song whilst also pleasing musical lovers.

My Rating:




Up Next:
Alexander Nevsky

007 - Airplane! (1980)

I don't know anything about this film, but I do know this; it's downright silly.

I'll admit I tend to be quite silly, and very silly from time to time, but this film is too silly - even for me!

The storyline is simple, the lines are sharp and witty, and the characters are incompetent morons. It's much the same as any other spoof comedy but older and more innocent by modern standards. Think Monty Python with American accents.

The story is a cliche-driven series of events seperated only by throwaway comments taken literally. It centers around an ex-military pilot scared of flying (cliche) who spontaneously follows his airhost ex-girlfriend on a flight in a bid to patch things up with her (cliche) when everyone on the plane becomes ill, and he must overcome his fear of flying in order to save the day... cliche cliche CLICHE!

This film had its moments, but overall it didn't hold my attention.

Airplane! on IMDB

My Rating:


Up Next:
Aladdin

006 - The Age of Innocence (1993)

The Age of Innocence is shit.

If you value your life, don't watch this film.

I thoguht about holding back, but I'm currently one hour and forty minutes through this film and have realised that I have forty-odd minutes left. I write this now because I may not survive to the end. My throat is becoming sore because I am attempting to remove my head using the sharpest thing I can find - my phone.

I think my hatred of this film stems from it being a period drama, and my prejudice against the genre.

The film centres around a bunch of posh yanks, who want to be English. They are primarily 30-year-old virgins who come in their pants at the thought of seeing a wrist. They talk, walk and live slowly, and the pace of the film fits accordingly. In fact, pedestrian would be an increase in pace for such a film.

I'm not entirely sure of the storyline as I got distracted by the social aspects of the lives of the flies in the room at the time, and fell asleep for 8 minutes (I think). Then again, 8 minutes is a short time in this film.

Anyhow, I believe the story is such;
A group of liberal aristocratic Americans who live their lives by social conventions and do what they;re expected to (no, I don't get it either) talk slowly for hours before a man who looks like a beaky cross between John Bishop and Christian Bale is betrothed to a pretty hot woman (who, because of the period in history is retarded). However, he loves a woman - whose face is not dissimilar to Kylie Minogue's had it been run over by a heavy vehicle with deep tyre treads - who is going to be divorced and thus hated by all in their look-at-me-I'm-so-English society.

The storyline is reasonably clever, where Johnstian Bishbale is stuck in a situation he can't get out of. It's a shame it's hidden by the underlying wish for the audience to suffocate themselves, because it's truly quite ingenious.

The film covers many aspects:
People trying to be something they're not - Watch The Great Gatsby instead (or better still, read the novel);
A film genre with typical gender roles reversed - Watch (500) Days of Summer;
A slow, painful storyline - Watch Coronation Street;
A slow painful death by boredom - Watch women's football.

My Rating:
- Purely for the mildly ingenious storyline.

Up Next:
Airplane!

005 - After Hours (1985)

Okay, I admit I cheated our own rules. The film was one hour through, and I had to leave to go to karate. I then watched The Age of Innocence and came back for the latter half of the film.

Martin Scorseseseseseses'ses After Hours is - if I'm honest - a bit mad. It's one of those intoxicated journey home films like Dude Where'd My Car, The Hangover and Harold and Kumar Get the Munchies (Go To Whitecastle).

What's perhaps more peculiar is how the story is laid out as a mixed up puzzle whereby the protagonist walks through the lives of several different people (mainly insane women) he doesn't know and meets under different circumstances. He starts in a cafe, where he meets a girl who gives him his number. Later he calls the number, takes a taxi to meet her loses his money and the rest just escalates as he is entwined in the melodrama of these people's lives.

It's not a film I'd recommend to a friend, it's not a film I'd watch again, but I enjoyed it from start to finish.
My Rating:



Up Next:
The Age of Innocence

004 - The Adventures of Robin Hood (1938)

For a long time now, I have believed that Blu-Ray is an unnecessary technology. DVDs offer better sound and picture quality than their Filofax-sized VHS predecessors. I don’t believe that they gained popularity because of their improved sound or picture quality, but because of the practicality they offered over VHS tapes.

For the eagle-eyed amongst us, Blu-Ray films are a massive improvement, but for people like me who need thick glasses lenses and can’t hear from spending too long in front of large speakers at gigs, the difference is unnoticed. On top of this, HD films will soon be available to stream online straight to your TV.

People will still watch pirated films recorded from the back of a cinema with people walking around in front, fuzzy picture quality and monophonic sound. If sound and picture quality were so important to us, the industry wouldn’t have any threat from piracy.

And so I mention The Adventures of Robin Hood made in 1938.
4:3 aspect ratio - Check.
Monophonic sound -  Check.
Papier-mâché scenery – Check.
This is proof that you don’t need a high budget to make a good film. The castle sets could easily have been lifted from Legoland (ok, I admit Legoland didn’t exist in 1938). The sun was always shining and because of the limited camera technology, the colours often made it look akin to Disney’s cartoon. What’s more, it’s only 51 minutes long – much less than the 6 hours they expect you to survive in cinemas nowadays without sacrificing any of the brilliance. I think the lack of multi-trillion dollar special effects actually adds to the fight scenes. The sounds are natural and often tinny. Many scenes where men are jumping from trees (which were easily 8ft high) are more realistic than modern films in their simplicity of letting men jump from trees rather than having multi-link supar extra scoobydoobalix (I confess I completely made that word up) wires and harnesses that can’t be traced by cameras. Even if you could clearly see a rope, it wouldn’t matter. Theatre is hardly renowned for its use of CGI, and it’s been popular for millennia.
The content, storyline and direction of the film were all impeccable - as can be expected from many films of this era. The quick-witted humour, the innocent and playful fight scenes, the natural athleticism of the actors and of course, a ridiculous disregard for health and safety.
The acting – and the casting - is perfect, the wit is perfect, the storyline works, Robin Hood wears tights and the chain mail is removed using zips. It may not have the realism of Ridley Scot’s take on the storyline, but I bet it’s 10 times more entertaining and will take nearly an hour less to watch.

Another point I’d like to make on modern films (particularly ones with Russel Crowe in) : (See video)


The Adventures of Robin Hood on IMDB

My Rating:


Next Up:
After Hours (1985)

003 - The Accused (1988)

The Accused covers many taboo subjects, which in itself would warrant it being a very highly regarded film purely on the bravery of its creators.

The film opens with a distressing scene of a young woman in, clothing torn, running around a busy road trying th thumb a lift, whilst a young college student is shouting down the phone to the operator that a woman has been gang-raped.

The story follows the Sarah Tobias (Jodie Foster), a young woman who was supposedly raped. However because of her previous history of drug abuse, admitting to being intoxicated and smoking marijuana on the night of the incident, it is thought that she would not be a credible witness. On top of this, "no-one saw it happen".

After being pressured by seniors, Sarah's solicitor, Kathryn Murphey (Kelly McGillis) makes a deal for the guilty trio to plead guilty to and be allowed parole in nine months.

Upon hearing this, Sarah is angered and demands a chance to tell her story. Sarah's solution is to charge everyone in the bar that night with criminal solicitation - encouraging the offence to be committed. This would mean the rape would go on record, and the initial guilty trio would get a more fitting punishment. All they need is to find a witness, and having nothing more to go on than the recorded phone call from the beginning and that he is close friends with the rapists, the future is looking bleak

The way in which the film is directed - so that the audience believes Sarah's story, but has "reasonable doubt" - is extremely intuitive. The audience never sees, and isn't informed (reliably) of the events leading up the the incident until the very end, leaving you sure, but unsure until the final verdict.

This directing style coupled with a strong storyline will provide entertainment for any wannabe juror.

The Accused on IMDB

My Rating:


Next Up:
The Adventures of Robin Hood (1938)

Further Films I believe should be in this list

I can't decide whether to update this list, or whether to post a new blog each time...

(500) Days of Summer,
21,
American Pie,
The Aviator,
Beverly Hills Cop,
Braveheart,
Bruce Almighty,
The Day of the Jackal,
Disclosure,
The Eagle has Landed,
Finding Nemo,
Gladiator,
The Green Mile,
In Bruges
Inglorious Basterds,
The Invention of Lying,
Kelly's Heroes,
Kingdom of Heaven,
Lethal Weapon,
Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels,
Manchurian Candidate (2004),
Shrek,
Superman (the 1978 version starring Christopher Reeve),
Up,
V for Vendetta,
Walk the Line,
Snatch,
Vantage Point
And more... I will mention them as and when they come to mind.

002 - The Accidental Tourist (1988)

The saying that no man is an island plays strongly throughout the film The Accidental Tourist – an insight into the turning point in the life of Macon Leary (William Hunt) where his island of a life drifts back to the mainland of society.

The death of his son sent Macon’s life spiralling into isolation, not helped by his job as a tour guide writer, which keeps him away from his wife for weeks on end. Eventually his marriage breaks down, and he has no-one but his late son’s dog for company.

That is until he meets the kooky, overbearing dog trainer, Muriel (Greena Davis), who forces herself into his life as much as she forces him into her own.

The mood of the story is constantly sombre, aided greatly by William Hunt’s excellent portrayal of the recluse, mumbling writer and the clever use of soundtrack. Despite the slow pace, it can be viewed as a comedy in its clever use of irony laced through the relationships of the characters, even if it is rarely laugh-out-loud funny.

The film’s ending really draws all the strands seperate strands of the storyline to a firm knot, and Macon finally stops saying “maybe” to life and makes a decision other than what is expected of him by his family.

I personally liked this film, but was not blown away. Its many clever devices, and engaging story can easily be missed due to the lack of excitment. If you want a laugh-out-loud comedy along the same lines, I’d point you towards Yes Man. If you want a truly meaningful story of a troubled man turning his life around, this is perfect.

The Accidental Tourist on IMDB

My Rating:


Next Up:The Accused

001 - A. I. Artificial Intelligence (2001)

Having watched the first film two days ago now, and having started watching the second, I thought I'd better get round to posting a review of it online.

A. I. Artificial Intelligence, directed by Stephen Spielberg, is a powerful, emotionally-engaging study of the concept of the love a child holds for its parents, and the lengths they'd be willing to go for it.

The story centers around David (Haley Joel Osment), the first robot to have the capacity to feel emotions. In particular, David could feel love. Once formed, the bond David would have to his parent(s) (in this instance, David only bonded with his mother) cannot be broken, and he must be destroyed if they were to decide they no longer wanted him.

As the first robot of this kind, he is sold to a couple whose "real" child is cryogenically frozen, awaiting a cure to a terminal illness. Upon the return of his brother, David unwittingly causes chaos around the home under instruction from his brother and his adoptive parents decide they cannot cope. However, rather than taking David back to have him destroyed, his mother takes him to the woods and leaves him to fend for himself with his faithful aide, a robotic teddy named Teddy.

Initialy, I found Teddy was slightly creepy, but as the story moves on the audience is made aware of his good intentions. He's by far my favourite character mainly because he's such an unlikely aide to David on his journey.

From reading Pinocchio, David believes the only way he will be allowed to return is if he becomes a real boy, and sets about finding the Blue Fairy to make his dreams come true and to make his mother love him.

This story clearly can be linked to other storylines such as Edward Scissorhands, Bicentennial Man, I, Robot and of course, Mary Shelly's Frankinstein. In each of these stories, an artifically-created being simply craves acceptance of the wider society, but is rejected on the grounds that they are different. What makes A. I. Artificial Intelligence stand apart from the rest of this subgenre is the cruelty in the way David's mother cast him aside and the perfection in the performance of Haley Joel Osment, who truly brings the character - and an otherwise dull storyline - to life.

I found the film engaging throughout, but felt it tried too hard to transform itself to an action/adventure film halfway through. The introduction of Jude Law's entertaining robotic gigolo (Gigolo Joe) saw a lapse in the continuity of the storyline and roughly half an hour of your life is wasted watching irrelevant material. Without this section of film, the film would have been slow-paced throughout, lacking in the necessary entertainment of this section, but I felt it detracted too far from the main storyline.

I would class this film as one of the greatest emotional studies of all time in cinema. The relatable complications and prevalent themes throughout mean I would strongly recommend everyone watches this film... once.

A. I. Artificial Intelligence on IMDB

My rating:


Next up:
The Accidental Tourist

My first Blog Post

Many of you will have found your way here either from my Facebook page or my brother’s blog.
If you are a follower of my brother’s blog, there are a few things you will need to know in advance before reading mine:
It will be opinionated, angry and probably cause offence to everyone. I will of course try to tone this down, but it is in my nature to speak my mind whether or not anyone likes what I have to say. If you think this is something you will enjoy, by all means stay. If this is something you won’t, “nut up or shut up”.

The reason for this blog is so that I can post my reviews on the Empire 500 (The Definitive List) - a list compiled by Empire Magazine of supposedly of the greatest 500 films ever made. Personally, I am a bit sceptical of the sanity of the people at Empire having read through the list, but I’m going into it with an open mind and hopefully I will learn a thing or two about cinema.

I am hoping to als set up a Vlog of my comments and clips of the films so that you can get some more idea of why I hold such

There are a series of rules that the two of us have to follow, and these are:

• Each film must be reviewed after it has been watched. The review will give my personal interpretation on the film. The review will link to The Internet Movie Database, Empire and any other articles on the film that I think are interesting.
• The list will be watched in alphabetical order. This is different to a couple of other people who have set themselves the same challenge.
  
• Each film will be bought as a DVD. Each film will be bought as a DVD to keep consistency regarding picture and sound.
• Every film must be watched in order to accomplish the challenge - including those that I have seen previously.