The Age of Innocence is shit.
If you value your life, don't watch this film.
I thoguht about holding back, but I'm currently one hour and forty minutes through this film and have realised that I have forty-odd minutes left. I write this now because I may not survive to the end. My throat is becoming sore because I am attempting to remove my head using the sharpest thing I can find - my phone.
I think my hatred of this film stems from it being a period drama, and my prejudice against the genre.
The film centres around a bunch of posh yanks, who want to be English. They are primarily 30-year-old virgins who come in their pants at the thought of seeing a wrist. They talk, walk and live slowly, and the pace of the film fits accordingly. In fact, pedestrian would be an increase in pace for such a film.
I'm not entirely sure of the storyline as I got distracted by the social aspects of the lives of the flies in the room at the time, and fell asleep for 8 minutes (I think). Then again, 8 minutes is a short time in this film.
Anyhow, I believe the story is such;
A group of liberal aristocratic Americans who live their lives by social conventions and do what they;re expected to (no, I don't get it either) talk slowly for hours before a man who looks like a beaky cross between John Bishop and Christian Bale is betrothed to a pretty hot woman (who, because of the period in history is retarded). However, he loves a woman - whose face is not dissimilar to Kylie Minogue's had it been run over by a heavy vehicle with deep tyre treads - who is going to be divorced and thus hated by all in their look-at-me-I'm-so-English society.
The storyline is reasonably clever, where Johnstian Bishbale is stuck in a situation he can't get out of. It's a shame it's hidden by the underlying wish for the audience to suffocate themselves, because it's truly quite ingenious.
The film covers many aspects:
People trying to be something they're not - Watch The Great Gatsby instead (or better still, read the novel);
A film genre with typical gender roles reversed - Watch (500) Days of Summer;
A slow, painful storyline - Watch Coronation Street;
A slow painful death by boredom - Watch women's football.
- Purely for the mildly ingenious storyline.